Thursday, February 25, 2016

Personal Update

This blog was started for my personal use never dreaming I would go on to join CTs. So all I have posted in a while has been my layouts.

It has been a little over 14 months since my husband died and during that time our son and I have celebrated two Christmases, two New Years and two of my birthdays without him plus a year of other holidays. The house still seems lonely even though it still has Nick, Bella (Dachshund), Molley and Bear (the cats) and myself in it. Nick no longer hangs out in his room. The living room is where he is at during the time he is not at school or playing. Yes, he sleeps there on the sofa. I sleep in a special recliner designed for people who can't sleep in a bed due to spinal problems which I share with Bella and Bear and every once in a while Molley. I have yet to go through my husband's belongings except to give out the things to his adult son and daughter after the funeral which were earmarked for them. My bedroom looks just the same as the day my husband left to go to the hospital except Nick has now stolen all of Daddy's socks and sleep pants and a nice selection of shirts. It makes him feel better to be sleeping in one of Daddy's black t-shirts, sleep pants and his socks so how can I say no?!

We spend our time very quietly as we don't go out much unless it is to the dollar movies, his basketball practices and games which will be ending in a couple of weeks until next school year. Then for eight weeks starting the middle of April Nick will be starting another season of Flag Football. I can't afford to send him to both the Spring and Fall sessions even though I know he would love it. Then in April (usually March) we will be heading out to visit my stepdaughter's family for the eldest granddaughter's 11th birthday. It will be another overnight visit as I can't drive for 5-6 hours one way, stay for a party and head back home. My husband was able to do that being a professional truck driver but not I. I rented a room at a hotel that has an indoor pool. A luxury we don't get often. The next day we'll stop at the children's museum before heading home. We can't visit them without visiting the museum. Nick will be able to sleep in the car on the ride home so he won't miss any school the next day. Always a plus! We have a birthday close to home in the middle of March for another grandchild and one in May. I have two grandkids who have birthdays in January and May in another state but we aren't invited to those and haven't been since before my husband got sick. I don't know why his son stopped inviting us. I have 3 grandkids who live really far away so it not feasible to visit them for birthdays or holidays. :( Once school gets out then the fun begins. I will take Nick to trips to the state parks to explore and swim. Then another trip to his (half) sister's house for a birthday and maybe another trip to the children's museum and a hotel with a pool. Then it will be back to school and back to our dull routine.

I will continue to scrap as long as my arms and hands will allow me to. Pesky spinal problems! I will continue to miss my husband. Not sure what the guidelines are for grieving but I am still in my process. I don't cry as much but probably more times then I should be. My heart has a hole in it that I fear will never mend.

Nick and I spent my 49th birthday quietly. We ate at On The Border and he shared his sundae with me. The next night for Valentine's Day we stayed in just the two of us. I can't remember what we ate so it must have been pretty boring. Last year I had to spend the evening of my birthday watching one of Nick's basketball games and I am not into sports so this year was better.

Nick's basketball photo (taken by me)


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    2. I just realized there we're 2 comments of the same thing...??? Sorry

  2. Hi, I am new to all of this scrap booking stuff. Your name is what made me come to your blog. It is the cutest. My heart hurts for you when I read this post. I am praying for you and your son. My husband passed away in 2012 very unexpectedly after being married for 10 years. The pain is so real and no one will ever understand your heart and how you feel unless they themselves have gone through it. Which no one wants anyone to feel what we feel so... It will be 4 years in September, I just got remarried and I am truly blessed to be able to honestly love another man. Something I swore I would never do again. Our children miss him everyday as well.They say children heal tremendously well and they do however each one is different and they heal at their own pace. You sound like you are doing an amazing job with your son. The things that you guys do do together are the things he will remember. I'm sure he has a whole new outlook on life now because both of you are survivors. Stay strong. I am praying for you both even though we are strangers.