I thought once we got into a routine with my husband's cancer care that things would get easier especially with Monkey having the summer off from school. Alas that has not happened. Every time I plan to do some scrapping I can usually be found nodding off in front of the laptop. Heaven forbid I actually watch a TV show with my husband or son or I am soon nodding off. Part of the problem is I have to either skip my medications all together then that takes a toll on my body which causes a ripple effect. For every one day I am off my medications it takes two or three days to be painwise back to what I was before I skipped my medication. I have no choice but to skip my medication as my husband can not drive after certain procedures. I am lucky though as my step daughter has been taking time off from her job in another state to assist me on the weeks her dad has chemo. She takes him for the longest day and the next day that way I only have to deal with one day at the hospital that is several hours long and entertain Monkey at the same time. Monkey is to young to be in the back room where the chemo is given. He is 8 and you have to be 14.
Last week when my husband was getting his second round of chemo on the long day I took Monkey to the movies. It was nice to just to get out of the house. Thankfully AMC had some really comfy chairs. Normally I can't watch a whole movie without major spinal pain but the chair I had was excellent in the support of the lower back. I wanted to take my chair with me when we left. I wonder what kind of sight we would have made trying to steal a chair neither one of us could lift and sneak it out of a well lit movie complex. Luckily, I am not a thief and never entertained the thought for longer than a minute. We saw the new Transformer movie. Then we grabbed an ice cold rootbeer from A&W before heading off to the store to pick up a few groceries. Monkey found me a scooter without any problem. He loves to drive them to me as it makes him feel like a big boy. We got the missing items for dinner and home we went. We got home before dad and daughter did.
I've had been filling out more paperwork then when I was applying for scholarships for college back in the day. Every time the mailman comes he has another packet with anywhere from 8 to 20 pages that need to be filled out. I think I could fill them out in my sleep. Almost every packet asks for the same information. It is almost like they are trying to catch us in a lie.
Last week Thursday after my husband and his daughter got home my aunt stopped by to pick Monkey up and take him with her on some errands. This gave us three adults the time needed to visit the funeral home and plan out my husband's funeral. Since I can't see spending thousands of dollars on an elaborate wooden casket that is going to be burned to ashes so I suggested the caskets that are designed just for cremation. My step daughter wasn't thrilled with this choice but hubby was. He picked out a lovely blue casket and his urn will be made out of oak haverested here in Michigan from the U.P. It is understated and doesn't scream at you "I am an urn." It was suggested that I just get a keepsake urn for Monkey and I said my son may be only 8 but he isn't stupid and if I bring home this tiny little urn he will know there is no way his daddy fits in there and he will have a meltdown and demand to know where his daddy is. I said he wants daddy at home with him. I am not happy with the choice to divide my husband up due to my religious beliefs. I believe we all have souls and in the after life. So for me I would rather have all my husband's ashes in one place however while I am his wife he has two adult children that are just as important as my son. So while my husband did not mind being divided three ways it was decided that he would only be divided in half. Monkey would get half and no one was to tell him anything other than that is all of daddy until he reaches 18. The rest of my husband's ashes will be buried in his mother's grave with his own headstone/plague whichever the cemetary allows. This will allow his adult kids to visit him as needed in their home state. I would like to be cremated as well then hopefully buried somewhere with our half of my husband but I will leave that decision up to Monkey as to what he wants to do with our ashes when that time comes. For me I know in my heart that this will be my only marriage. It took me until I was 31 years old to find the right man for me and he completes me in every way that I can't imagine finding another love like that and I will not settle for second best. I pray that we make it until March and that would make 5 years of marriage and 17 years together. Then I will pray for another year and so on. I know that is only wishful thinking with all the forms of cancer he has but I have to hold on to something.
Never tell yourself let's do this next year or put off until tomorrow if you can do something today. My husband had big dreams of his retirement and all the time he was going to spend with me and our son. Now, those plans will never come to fruitation as we no longer have the means to do them or he is to weak to do it. Life can not promise you a tomorrow so you have to live for today.
Now that I have turned this into a waterworks for me again while writing this and I didn't say all the things I planned to but I am to emotional to go on with this posting. So please do not take life for granted as we don't know what is around the corner.