Monkey's Summer

My little monkey still has several weeks of summer left but we have done a fair amount this summer.

In June monkey's sister and her family came up to celebrate his 10th birthday. They also brought his sister's childhood friend and her two kids. My late husband would have enjoyed that visit. Marcy's kids had never been to Greenfield Village before so Nick had fun showing them around plus it was nice for Nick to have company with a boy his own age for once instead of just his nieces. Sometimes it sucks to have 30 years between you and your sister and 26 years between you and your brother so you are growing up with their kids. I have explined to Nick this sometimes happens when an older man falls in love with a younger woman and he isn't the only kid in the world with half-siblings so much older then him so he just needs to get over it. He would just like to have siblings his age. That just didn't work out for us.

Anyway. July saw Nick having to do summer school after discovering he is disabled in reading and writing. I'm not so worried about those as he can function just several grades lower. It is the visual/balance which explains so much. His three weeks of school finished in August but he discovered his best friend that had moved to Europe two years ago had moved back and is now living in another part of the city so Nick and Alex had weeks to hang out together again. They were both really happy about that. The end of July saw Nick and I with a broken down car. Ugh! Never a great time for that. Thankfully it was nothing major that my neighbor couldn't fix and he didn't charge me for fixing my car. I just had to buy the parts. He has been great since Monte died. All Nick has to do is walk across the street and say SOS and he comes with the necessary stuff to look at my car. While he won't take any money now he better not refuse a Christmas gift from Nick and I to him and his wife. We are planning on giving them a giftcard to have a nice dinner on us. They really have been great. With Jim fixing my car Nick and I were able to go on our weekend trip to see his sister in Indiana.

We went for my husband's youngest granddaughter's third birthday. I'm not called grandma due to the small age difference between me and my stepkids and the fact that all bio-grandma's are still alive plus everyone was just used to calling me Kim. Why change for some of the grandkids. On the second day in Indy Nick and I were by ourself as everyone else had their plans. Nick and I decided to go to the Indy Zoo as something different. Other than not having enough money (car repair) for this visit to the zoo as they had a sky gondola, rollercoaster and other assorted rides plus other stuff a kid might want we still had a fun day.

Nick finished up his bike program this week. Alas he hasn't quite learned how to ride a bike yet. He can ride a two wheeler for few feet before he crashes. He hits the ground so hard his legs are covered in bruises that his knee pads couldn't do anything to stop. He was happy with the people and the program that he wants to go back next summer to finish learning. I asked him if he wanted me to finish teaching him so he could ride a bike now but he said no as he is still scared of the bikes and he just wants to continue with the program. I said OK. His balance issues are what has stopped him from learning all these years. My late husband tried for 3 years to teach him.

Thursday after his last class we went to a Metro Park and I paid the daily fee of $10 so Nick could ride a tandem bike with one of the people from the bike program in a 10 mile bike ride to end out the season. They were having a BBQ on Friday but we had to miss it.

Friday night I drove 70 miles in 96F hot and humid weather in my car for which the a/c doesn't work. I was so happy everytime the raindrops hit me through the open window. However it was a downpour when we got to camp. Nick had grief camp for the weekend. It was his first time at camp. He did swimming, made a drum out of a 5 gallon bucket, stayed up late, etc. I then made this same 70 miles one way trip to go pick him up Sunday morning. Afterwards we went to the nearest state park but the lake was closed for swimming so we headed across town to the other state park and try our luck there. Luckily this town is rural enough it has several campsites and state parks. Swimming lake was open so Nick got to go swimming again. He was as happy as a clam.

Now for some photos.

Greenfield Village

Bike Program

"King Crash"

Indianapolis Zoo

Holly State Park

My life as a Widow

I knew things weren't going to be easy once my husband died from cancer even though he tried to repair stuff around the house while he was feeling good. In the sixteen months since he has died the bathroom sink which has always been troublesome has been a bear. I have not been able to fix it and we knew all the tricks short of having a plumber pull out all our floor lines to the sewer. Where we live we have a unique system that not even the surrounding cities use so when you hire a plumber they have to be familiar with our system. Well Monkey and I have gotten used to empting the bucket under the sink. Now the bathtub is backing up and I have done all I can without a trip to Home Depot for some supplies to fix that. Which is always fun! That will happen this week when I get paid.

Now my husband went and rescreened several windows and the side door. Monkey has ripped the screen in the side kitchen window that my husband fixed and when I said something to him he responded by telling me daddy left the roll of screening in the garage. Great I have no clue on how to rescreen a window. He ripped out the screen in the side door over the winter and just yesterday he somehow managed to pop out the storm window in that door 3/4's of the way but I could neither get it to come out or go back in so it is temporarily taped in with some nice colorful duck tape. 

Now the funest of all the broken things. My front door lock even though it was unlocked at the time broke in the locked position so we are now unable to use our front door. I have watched more YouTube videos then I can count to fix doors. None pertain to the problem I have. I bought silicone lube and sprayed everything possible and still nothing. I need to make a trip out to the garage to fix the old front door locking system so I can get the inside door handle piece and a large fat flat-head screw driver and try one more thing to fix the door before I am forced to call a locksmith. Only problem is our house is located off from a major highway and with all the dust that is kicked up from the street as we are the corner house makes that trip to the garage ripe for kick starting my allergies and I don't need that at the moment so until I feel better we have to go through the laundry room to leave the house. Once a upon a time that was the way we came in and out of the house as we never had a key to the front door but we also had an accordian folding babygate blocking off the kitchen to the laundry room but since those are no longer legal for safety reasons I have to have a traditional babygate and it just doesn't work well. If I put up the kind that swings open the my Dachshund knows how to climb it and she gets into the cat's litter box - hence the babygate. So we have one of those extra high wooden gates. The cats can get over it because they jump up onto the kitchen counter and walk around the corner onto the washing machine. However there is no easy way to keep the wooden babygate standing up so we have a step stool at one end placed sideways up against the sink and the dry dog food bag against the other wall. What a pain especially at night trying to open it. At least if someone tried to break in they would leave screaming in frustration. Haha!

Monkey broke a section of the vinyl siding and tried to tell me that a wind storm picked up a large rock and threw it at the house and put a hole in it. Great! So his dad melted the siding by having the grill to close to the house in one spot and on the other side of the window is a hole. I can't win. I need a handyman and a ton of money.

We even had a mouse in the house a week or so ago and I wasn't happy with that but I got it taken care of. I do think the woman at Home Depot was sick of seeing me though.

Thankfully I still have my sense of humor in all this. I guess I'll be watching more YouTube videos for help!

Now if I could just get my husband's urn to do some work around the house as his melon list (what he called his honey do list) is getting pretty long.

Now I even have to pretend I love sports because daddy is no longer here. Thank heavens for data packages on smartphones. Shhh! don't tell Monkey that.

I guess since it is almost 5 AM I should try and get some sleep. Monkey will try and let me as he knows the rules. I sleep in a recliner in the living room due to health issues and have since he was about 3 so he is used to being quiet with the TV and such.

Night all.

What's new on the home front

The past six weeks or so haven't been fun as we started off March with both Monkey and I getting sick but Monkey was worse and needed to go to urgent care. Not one week later I again am taking him to seek medical care but this time at the ER for a groin injury he got on the oversized tires on the playground. Now on the day he gets released to go back to gym from this injury his best friend grabs his arm and twists it, on their way back to the classroom from gym class. No one in the school thinks much of it but I have to take him again to the ER where they put him into a velcro splint because his wrist is badly sprained and he lost feeling to his fingers. While all his adventures were going on I am slowly getting sicker but the doctor doesn't feel it was necessary to give me anything stronger then cough syrup when we went for a checkup. Monkey got both cough syrup and antibiotics. I was told I could take some OTC cold medication. OK I buy them but the pills and syrup are not helping me and we had a weekend getaway planned. The pharmacist knew who was coming just by my cough. By this time I was sick for a month but I was determined to take Monkey to see his adult half-sister and her family so I just sucked it up.

We drive six hours and stop at the Children's Museum of Indianapolis. By this time I am in the iffy stage and due to health issues I can't walk the museum so I get a wheelchair and Monkey agrees to push me (it used to be his dad's job when he was alive and Monkey says he is man enough to do it). Monkey pushes my wheelchair like a drunkin sailor but we are having fun. We always have fun when we meet up with Em (late hubby's oldest granddaughter), El (the youngest) and Michelle (his daughter). It is always funny when stangers try to figure out how we are related. They think the kids are siblings instead of uncle and nieces and we adults are stepdaughter and stepmom when we are only nine years apart. They never figure us adults out. First thing everyone except me does is take a trip down the chocolate slide. It is just a large slide that you enter on the second floor and exit on the first floor. I was left guarding our belongings as you can't take a wheelchair and a stroller down a slide. 

Then it was off to visit the Aliens and Androids exhibit. They had R2D2, Darth Vader, CP3O and a few others like Ironman. The kids did a scavenger hunt type thing during it as well. From there we went to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Secrets of the Sewer exhibit. That was what Monkey was most excited about. He had been waiting months to see this exhibit and he was playing every game they had and helping Em win her trivia games too. Of by now the kids are starving so we take a lunch break at the museum cafe. Picky kids wanted stuff then didn't eat it. Em got away with more then Monkey did. 

After lunch it was time to see Pirates and Princesses: Storybook Adventures exhibit.

It was exactly as it seems.

Next we were off to Fables Across Time: Kalila and Dimna

Here the kids learned about how this Arabic collection of fables is similar to some of the tales in Western forklore. They also learned out drawing.

Now it is getting late as the museum was very crowded so we didn't see or do as much as we normally do we headed off to storytime. It was announced it was the story of the "Princess and the Pea" but there were no mattresses and no peas. Go figure!

We headed off to dinner at Chick-fil-A which was a first for Monkey and I. After dinner we all head to our hotel including my stepson-in-law so we can check in and go swimming. The kids and Jeff had fun in the pool. I wanted to go in the pool but since I was sick and coughing to much I decided it was best if I didn't. Pooh! After all the kids got worn out it was time for the family to leave and Monkey and I to chill for a little while. Monkey was in heaven as he got a sofa bed to sleep in. Kids!

Sunday morning we get up and meet the family for breakfast down the street. Afterwards they head to church and Monkey and I head back to the hotel to check out. One stop for snack foods for Monkey and some drinks and we are on the road again to go home. This trip home we take the scenic route. It was a little different then what my late husband would have driven but since he was a truck driver who traveled to nearly all the lower 48 he knew the short cuts. We were tired but happy to be home again and a cute little weiner dog was happy to see us when we walked in the door.

Roll on into April and I see the doctor again because I am still not better. This time she sends me for chest x-rays which I have to assume are OK because no one has called to say otherwise. I got a rx for antibiotics and cough pills. I have finished the antibiotics and have just started the second refill on the cough pills and I still feel like death warmed over. Pharmacist wants me to see a lung specalist if this bottle of cough pills don't work.

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I have been taking Photoshop classes and here are a few of the layouts I made.

Basic week 4

Basic week 5

Basic week 6

Techniques week 5

Techniques week 6

Soon Monkey starts year three in flag football. His team jersey will be the Indianapolis Colts which while it isn't the Chicago Bears is cool because it is his sister's favorite team. Bears are his and his daddy's team but since daddy died mom said she will be his Bear buddy and now I to wear Chicago Bears clothing.

That's all in our little world.

Personal Update

This blog was started for my personal use never dreaming I would go on to join CTs. So all I have posted in a while has been my layouts.

It has been a little over 14 months since my husband died and during that time our son and I have celebrated two Christmases, two New Years and two of my birthdays without him plus a year of other holidays. The house still seems lonely even though it still has Nick, Bella (Dachshund), Molley and Bear (the cats) and myself in it. Nick no longer hangs out in his room. The living room is where he is at during the time he is not at school or playing. Yes, he sleeps there on the sofa. I sleep in a special recliner designed for people who can't sleep in a bed due to spinal problems which I share with Bella and Bear and every once in a while Molley. I have yet to go through my husband's belongings except to give out the things to his adult son and daughter after the funeral which were earmarked for them. My bedroom looks just the same as the day my husband left to go to the hospital except Nick has now stolen all of Daddy's socks and sleep pants and a nice selection of shirts. It makes him feel better to be sleeping in one of Daddy's black t-shirts, sleep pants and his socks so how can I say no?!

We spend our time very quietly as we don't go out much unless it is to the dollar movies, his basketball practices and games which will be ending in a couple of weeks until next school year. Then for eight weeks starting the middle of April Nick will be starting another season of Flag Football. I can't afford to send him to both the Spring and Fall sessions even though I know he would love it. Then in April (usually March) we will be heading out to visit my stepdaughter's family for the eldest granddaughter's 11th birthday. It will be another overnight visit as I can't drive for 5-6 hours one way, stay for a party and head back home. My husband was able to do that being a professional truck driver but not I. I rented a room at a hotel that has an indoor pool. A luxury we don't get often. The next day we'll stop at the children's museum before heading home. We can't visit them without visiting the museum. Nick will be able to sleep in the car on the ride home so he won't miss any school the next day. Always a plus! We have a birthday close to home in the middle of March for another grandchild and one in May. I have two grandkids who have birthdays in January and May in another state but we aren't invited to those and haven't been since before my husband got sick. I don't know why his son stopped inviting us. I have 3 grandkids who live really far away so it not feasible to visit them for birthdays or holidays. :( Once school gets out then the fun begins. I will take Nick to trips to the state parks to explore and swim. Then another trip to his (half) sister's house for a birthday and maybe another trip to the children's museum and a hotel with a pool. Then it will be back to school and back to our dull routine.

I will continue to scrap as long as my arms and hands will allow me to. Pesky spinal problems! I will continue to miss my husband. Not sure what the guidelines are for grieving but I am still in my process. I don't cry as much but probably more times then I should be. My heart has a hole in it that I fear will never mend.

Nick and I spent my 49th birthday quietly. We ate at On The Border and he shared his sundae with me. The next night for Valentine's Day we stayed in just the two of us. I can't remember what we ate so it must have been pretty boring. Last year I had to spend the evening of my birthday watching one of Nick's basketball games and I am not into sports so this year was better.

Nick's basketball photo (taken by me)

Personal Musings

While I love having people stop by my blog and pick up any freebie I might be offering I have noticed that hardly anyone says "Thank You" and sometimes the comments are borderline rude. If I make a freebie and there is a reason you can't use it fine don't download it. To tell me you didn't download it becuase it didn't have enough photo holes or to many photo holes is just your opinion. Now if there is a problem with my download then let me know and leave an e-mail and I will fix the problem and get it to you.

I am not making as many freebies as I used to as you know my husband was diagnosised with stage 4 cancer in June and he passed away in December after a hard fought battle which he lost. His death has left a gaping wound in both my heart and that our our 8.5 year old son. We are trying very hard to get over his being gone when we miss him so very much. Mind you at the same time we are also trying to live life to our new normal. Which means my son has meltsdowns that will break your heart because all he does is cry that he wants his daddy back. I might think I have things together and I will hear a song on the radio and start crying. 

While I still enjoy scrapping my heart is not into 100% like it was before due to us grieving and my health. Life must go on and it will. We just took down our Christmas tree. Thankfully it is artificial otherwise it would have been a hot mess. My son didn't want me to take it down. We didn't even put it up until a few days before Christmas as neither of us really wanted to. We are basically depressed and you can't function being depressed. So I am sorry my "Freebies" are not up to your standards.

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.

Our new normal.

Monte

My darling husband lost his fight with cancer Wednesday night. He did it on his terms. Monte was adamit that he would not die at home and he did not. Wednesday morning was a repeat of Tuesday morning where he was in quite a lot of pain and was restless. He could still walk although he had to hold on to either Michelle, his daughter or I to walk down the hall to either our bedroom or to the bathroom. He said a few times that he couldn't keep doing this and he needed out of our house and into the hospital. We thought he just needed better pain medication that he could get in the hospital. It took all afternoon but finally we got the all clear to take him to a hospital that had an available hospice bed. We ended up calling the police department to get help to get him out of the house and into Michelle's car. Monte stayed alert for the 45 minute trip to the hospital and it took just as much effort to him out of her car as it did to get him in. Michelle and I thought Monte would be admitted and I would bring our son, Nick up to see Daddy the next day as it would probably take a while to get him settled into a room. Michelle called me a few times with some updates. At this point they had only been there about 20 minutes. Then she called me and said hurry up and come I don't think he is going to make it. I didn't get a chance to do anything before she called back and said she thought he would be gone before I could get there so she wanted me to say goodbye right then. Both Nick and I told him how much we loved him and hung up. After getting held up by a train for 20 minutes plus the journey time Nick and I arrived at the hospital but it was too late. He died less then a minute after we said our goodbyes.

I know my husband did not want our 8 year old son to see him die but I never dreamed he would leave without me by his side. I know he is no longer in pain and he is in a far better place I just wish his dying didn't break my heart so much. I know I will go on and lead my life because I have to as we have a child. I just didn't have enough time with him. March 1st would have been our 5th wedding anniversary and March 17th would have been the 17th anniversary of our first official date but I wanted more time. We as a couple just clicked. No fighting, just time spent apart due to his job as a truck driver. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. Yes, I missed him being gone from home so much but he was providing for our family. He stepped up when I could no longer work and he would cook and clean even after being exhausted from his job. When I would try to do something he would tell me no he would do it. It was because he cared enough to do my chores too. I am going to miss his smile, his sense of humor, his hugs and kisses and most of all just him being here.

My Prince Charming

June 13, 1950 to December 10, 2014

Forever in my heart

I love you!

Personal Musing

My husband has had more visitors in this past several days then we have had in years as we tend to be homebodies and rarely go out except for our little family unit of three or when we go to Indiana to visit his adult kids. While it has been nice to see his extended family it has been hard on him to because it just saps his energy.

We were told no IV fluids as it might cause congestive heart failure at this point and we do not want that. So he will just continue to do the best he can by drinking the protein shakes and water. He hasn't been able to eat food in weeks due to the liver enzymes changing that taste of food so badly that the gag reflex kicks in and he can't force it down.

Every day his pain level increases and he takes more and more pain medication. He is a man who hates to take medication so that alone has been hard on him. The more pain medication he gets the more he sleeps. I don't really know if at this stage that is good or bad.

I had planned on us getting another family photo taken this month but unless a family member takes it, it will not happen. This one was taken right after he finished his first round of chemo this summer and he made the comment the day before the photo shoot luckily I haven't lost my hair yet and I said have you looked in the mirror? He responded no why? I told him he was shedding worse then a sheep dog and the morning of the photo shoot he went and got his head shaved.

Personal Musings

Personal update.

Right now our world has been turned upside down. My husband has terminal cancer and while we were told 9 to 12 months intially the cancer doctor was optimistic that since things were going so well over the summer with his chemo that he might live past 12 months. Not so. We just passed the six month mark and all of a sudden my husband took a turn for the worse and we are now just waiting for GOD to call him home. It might be a week or it could be a month it all depends on how quickily his liver shuts down. Hospice has been called and they will be at our house later on today to finalize all the paperwork. In the next couple of days I have to convert my living room into a hospital room which means a lot of changes as we have a small house.

Since he came home last night he has been sick, bouts of diarrhea and his heart has raced so quickly he wanted to die from the pain. I have had to call the cancer hospital twice and speak to staff on the ward he was on since he isn't under hospice care yet. The first time the nurse told me aren't you glad I gave you the number and told you to call me if anything came up. Cheeky monkey but he was right and very helpful. Brandon told me exactly what I needed to give him out of our stash of surplus and OTC medication. Then later when the pain and heart racing episode came on I called again because I didn't know if I should take him to the ER or just give him something from our stash of surplus mediacations. Barry who was Monday nights nurse asked what I had and I told him and he was kind enough to tell me what dosage to give him. Once hospice comes on then all my calls will be directed to them and they will only make him comfortable with maintenance medication, a hospital bed, IV fluids as he is so bloated he can't eat or drink the normal way and when the time comes he will be transferred to a hospital setting for his last few days. 

So I will post when life lets me.

Update On Home Life

I thought once we got into a routine with my husband's cancer care that things would get easier especially with Monkey having the summer off from school. Alas that has not happened. Every time I plan to do some scrapping I can usually be found nodding off in front of the laptop. Heaven forbid I actually watch a TV show with my husband or son or I am soon nodding off. Part of the problem is I have to either skip my medications all together then that takes a toll on my body which causes a ripple effect. For every one day I am off my medications it takes two or three days to be painwise back to what I was before I skipped my medication. I have no choice but to skip my medication as my husband can not drive after certain procedures. I am lucky though as my step daughter has been taking time off from her job in another state to assist me on the weeks her dad has chemo. She takes him for the longest day and the next day that way I only have to deal with one day at the hospital that is several hours long and entertain Monkey at the same time. Monkey is to young to be in the back room where the chemo is given. He is 8 and you have to be 14.

Last week when my husband was getting his second round of chemo on the long day I took Monkey to the movies. It was nice to just to get out of the house. Thankfully AMC had some really comfy chairs. Normally I can't watch a whole movie without major spinal pain but the chair I had was excellent in the support of the lower back. I wanted to take my chair with me when we left. I wonder what kind of sight we would have made trying to steal a chair neither one of us could lift and sneak it out of a well lit movie complex. Luckily, I am not a thief and never entertained the thought for longer than a minute. We saw the new Transformer movie. Then we grabbed an ice cold rootbeer from A&W before heading off to the store to pick up a few groceries. Monkey found me a scooter without any problem. He loves to drive them to me as it makes him feel like a big boy. We got the missing items for dinner and home we went. We got home before dad and daughter did.

I've had been filling out more paperwork then when I was applying for scholarships for college back in the day. Every time the mailman comes he has another packet with anywhere from 8 to 20 pages that need to be filled out. I think I could fill them out in my sleep. Almost every packet asks for the same information. It is almost like they are trying to catch us in a lie.

Last week Thursday after my husband and his daughter got home my aunt stopped by to pick Monkey up and take him with her on some errands. This gave us three adults the time needed to visit the funeral home and plan out my husband's funeral. Since I can't see spending thousands of dollars on an elaborate wooden casket that is going to be burned to ashes so I suggested the caskets that are designed just for cremation. My step daughter wasn't thrilled with this choice but hubby was. He picked out a lovely blue casket and his urn will be made out of oak haverested here in Michigan from the U.P. It is understated and doesn't scream at you "I am an urn." It was suggested that I just get a keepsake urn for Monkey and I said my son may be only 8 but he isn't stupid and if I bring home this tiny little urn he will know there is no way his daddy fits in there and he will have a meltdown and demand to know where his daddy is. I said he wants daddy at home with him. I am not happy with the choice to divide my husband up due to my religious beliefs. I believe we all have souls and in the after life. So for me I would rather have all my husband's ashes in one place however while I am his wife he has two adult children that are just as important as my son. So while my husband did not mind being divided three ways it was decided that he would only be divided in half. Monkey would get half and no one was to tell him anything other than that is all of daddy until he reaches 18. The rest of my husband's ashes will be buried in his mother's grave with his own headstone/plague whichever the cemetary allows. This will allow his adult kids to visit him as needed in their home state. I would like to be cremated as well then hopefully buried somewhere with our half of my husband but I will leave that decision up to Monkey as to what he wants to do with our ashes when that time comes. For me I know in my heart that this will be my only marriage. It took me until I was 31 years old to find the right man for me and he completes me in every way that I can't imagine finding another love like that and I will not settle for second best. I pray that we make it until March and that would make 5 years of marriage and 17 years together. Then I will pray for another year and so on. I know that is only wishful thinking with all the forms of cancer he has but I have to hold on to something.

Never tell yourself let's do this next year or put off until tomorrow if you can do something today. My husband had big dreams of his retirement and all the time he was going to spend with me and our son. Now, those plans will never come to fruitation as we no longer have the means to do them or he is to weak to do it. Life can not promise you a tomorrow so you have to live for today.

Now that I have turned this into a waterworks for me again while writing this and I didn't say all the things I planned to but I am to emotional to go on with this posting. So please do not take life for granted as we don't know what is around the corner.

My Life

My little monkey recently turned eight. His party was both happy and sad. We were not able to give him the birthday we wanted to due to finances. Yes, I know everyone can have financial problems every now and then. Our problem is that isn't going to get better. Life just got a whole lot tougher.

In April my husband went in for the first of two cataract surgeries and all went well. In May he had the second operation and if it wasn't the same day it was the next day he started having some problems. We honestly thought it was going to be something minor like a problem with the eye medication and his diabetes or his other medcations. Hubby continued to work and provide for the family. Then comes the holiday weekend and my strong husband is struggling to get anything he planned on doing done. Finally, he consents to go to the hospital. Little did we know what was in store for us. CANCER! There I said it. More than one kind and stage 4. There are still many more tests to be run and all kinds of other stuff. We have no idea how long he has to live. We have only been told it is treatable. There is no cure for liver cancer. Wait this gets better - my husband's job has no disability and our medical coverage could be cut off at any time including immediately depending on what the doctors tell us. We can apply for state help with a waiting period of 30-90 days and the kicker is for healthcare normally you get an awnser in 45 days unless you are sick then it is 90 days. Gotta love the government. 

Now if all this wasn't bad enough I had my Social Security hearing. My second one. My first one back in 2010 was denied even though the occupational therapist said there was not one job I could do with my medical problems. That judge went so far as to tell me how I should have felt having one of my procedures done. Really, I didn't know that judge was inside my body the day of the test - creepy. This new judge looks at me and tells me I don't look like I am in pain. I was doing all I could to be cool, calm and collected and my pain level was an 8. Then this occupational therapist says there is one job I can do. I have more wrong with me now then back in 2010 so how did I go from not being able to do any job to being able to do one? Since this was a video conference the judge did not see what happened after the hearing was over when I could barely stand up, I struggled to walk the 40 feet out of that hearing room to the waiting room where I collapsed into a chair and my husband wondered how we were going to make it out the building and to someplace I could sit while he walked several blocks to get our car. Seems that in some county in one state the judge and lawyers had a racket going on and kick backs were made to approve claims. I am not a faker. I have struggled with chronic pain since 1999. I worked until 2009 and I would love to be able to work even now but that is now longer an option for me. 

I only have one request from the man upstairs. I know we aren't supposed to be given more than we can handle but I really can't handle being homeless again, I don't want to be a widow raising a little boy all alone who needs his father so please can you not find someone else to shoulder this burden?

Personal Update

Hello! Due to some medical issues I landed in the hospital yet again. I am behind on some freebies and I promise to get them posted ASAP. I will even keep them up longer when I do. I will take me a few days to a week or to recuperate so please be patient with me. Thank you.

Donna McKinley

Donna please read the comment section for Army. Thank you. Kim

Update

Hello!

I know my blog has been quiet lately and for that I am truly sorry. I was very sick with migraines and an ear infection two week ago then last week I was in some very extreme pain which caused me to end up in the hospital and have an emergency spinal procedure done. I'm trying very hard to get better and back to making you some freebies.

Be back soon!

Extraction

I finally tried an extraction and even though it was very time consuming I thought it turned out well. The blue blemishes are not in my finally layout which I will show in the next couple of weeks. 

 Please also disregard the minor dent in monkeys head as this was my first try.

Speed Scraps - Yippee!!!

I've been doing some speed scraps lately. Normally I do the ones held at STS and SNP but I have been trying to do other ones as well. I think in the long run these will help me develop things like my clustering skills. Of course I don't always get things right. Oh, well - can't have it all.

This one I did at Scrap Orchard.

This one was done for Ginger Scraps.

This one was done at Gotta Pixel.

All are vastly different however I love how well each one turned out. The one at Scrap Orchard was a little different as you had to take a template and then make it work with the instructions. That was my very first layout at that forum. The littlest photo in the bottom right hand corner is my addition to the template. Now the one for Ginger Scraps I actually had a week to get that layout done. I really love the minimalist look. Lastly the one for Gotta Pixel I had 21 hours to complete. This works out really well with my medical issues. Of course the most important part of all my layouts is my subject for without Monkey I would have nothing to scrap. He may drive me crazy with his not listening and getting into trouble but he is my world. My little boy has an imagination that never sleeps. He is a bundle of energy and mischief but at the end of the day when he is sleeping he is a little angel. I wish I could say the same for his sidekick Bella. Bella is one bad little Dachshund! Who terrorizes the cats.

Monkey's Way of Coping with Gray Hair

I told you last weekend how I found two gray hairs on Monkey's head. Well since my guy is only six years old and is too young to color his hair he did the next best thing. He asked for a wig but not any old wig. He asked for this wig. He got the sunglasses while trick or treating at the zoo. So without further ado.

Playing air guitar.

Getting Gray Hair

Most women are vain and I am one, at least about my hair. I have to color it at least a few times a year to cover my gray hair which is a futile endeavor. My husband loves me the way I am and thinks I should let my hair just turn gray. I told him while most men look good with gray hair and the fact he is 62 years old that is OK for him. I on the other hand am only 45 years old and I started turning gray at 24 and do not like my gray hair.

Well today we took Monkey to the pumpkin patch. As you know Monkey is only six years old. While standing in line waiting for the hayride I saw a gray hair on Monkey's head. Thinking it was one of mine or Daddy's I went to pluck it from the top of his head. Lo and behold that hair was attached to the boy's scalp. I yanked it out and showed him. Then I thought man I should have taken a picture as no one will believe me. About an hour later Monkey is sitting next to me on a bench and I glance down and see another gray hair. I really did try to get a photo but every shot was blurry as it was too close a shot. I asked if he wanted me to pluck or leave it. Monkey stated leave it. When Daddy came back to us I told him that Monk had another gray hair and wanted me to leave it. Daddy's response 'That's my boy!'.

I asked Monkey if he has a lot of stress in his life to cause the gray hair. He replied yes, it is very stressful to try and be good. I couldn't help but laugh.

So next time you are looking in the mirror and see a gray hair just think about my poor little boy who had two gray hairs at 6 years and 4.5 months old.

Monkey modeling his funny teeth. One of a set of three he got at the dollar store. He wanted vampire teeth but they didn't have any. He modeled these after eating a cupcake so that is what you see on his face.

Krista's Fairytale

On Sunday the world seemed to go crazy and Krista was in despair. She thought many things including giving up the two people who need her the most. I convinced her not to make that choice. I won't go into details what happened other than she was at the edge with nowhere to go and I don't mean anything sinister either. Since this blog contains stuff that both family and strangers will read I am deliberately leaving info out. Anyone who needs that information knows how to reach me. Well, today she knows that her God does indeed LOVE her. Yes, I know not everyone believes however Krista does very much and that is just part of who she is. When she needed something or someone to believe in her in her time of need HE was there. Krista's world went from bleak to happiness in just 24 hours. She got a call today from the housing authority that the apartment she so desperately needed was hers. Her and the kids can move in tomorrow. Now after many months of struggling she has her very own apartment and will not have to rely on the whims of others. I do not say kindness because for her it truly has been on the whim of another. Every time someone has offered to help her there have always been strings attached. Some strings were doable and some were not. However, not one person showed her mercy except for those who truly love her. It seems the ones who claimed to be Christian were the worst of the bunch. Everyone had a game to play and Krista was always on the losing team. Do not get me wrong I believe just not as strongly and I've seen the other side of many people and they can be very ugly. Including my own family. I got off track here a little. The children's father is no longer in the picture except for the role as their father. Krista is just learning she can only depend on herself and at 21 I expect her to pull herself up by the boot straps and not to let others pull her down. If you think I just said it was the father's fault in all of this than you are wrong. He just didn't help. This is Krista's fairytale and only she knows the end of the story but here are three of the major players. I wouldn't recast their roles to anyone.

September Day

It is a nice sunny 72 degrees here in my part of the world. So what does my adorable six year old monkey do, he wants to play outside. That is fine with Mom and Dad. However, Monkey has to do it with a twist. You just can't go outside and play.  You have to dress up for the occasion. Here is what was worn for his trip outside.

Yes, Monkey does in fact have on his rubber winter boots without socks, winter skeleton gloves, snow pants and winter jacket. I guess his ears weren't cold or he just forgot his hat. Please over look the brown patches of lawn but our part of Michigan just didn't get much rain and water levels were low.

Nick's New Backsack

Nick is into superhero's big time and I don't mind. When I was growing up my cousin, Eric and I were best of friends so I hung out with the boys and we watched lots of 'boy things' over the years. Plus being married and having a son I still watch 'boy things'. I just draw the line at boxing, as I see no reason for grown men to beat each other up to a pulp. Anyways Nick's two favorite hero's are Ironman and Batman. Nick tore up his backpack from last year so we promised to get him a new one before first grade started. Well, what I found was not a backpack but a backsack. Backsacks do not hold as much as a backpack and aren't as heavy. I saw two in a catalog and called the hubby to see if this would be an OK change. We agreed that Nick would love it as not many other kids if any would have one like it. So I told Monkey I needed his help and showed him the catalog and explained what it was. The backsack has an attached Batman cape that blows in the wind. The other choice was Superman but I knew what he wanted. I told him that Daddy said he could have it and we placed the order.

A week goes by and Monkey is going crazy waiting for his package to arrive. It finally does on a Thursday night so he can't take it to school the next day as he doesn't have school on Fridays. He did however wear it when we ran some errands. Now since he was Batman he kept referring to me at Batgirl. I only wish I had her figure. Of course we were also driving in the Batmobile which happens to be a PT Cruiser.

Wearing it backwards so his face would show.